Blood Is the API

You now have AI, genomics, 160-biomarker panels, and full-body MRI add-ons that were $1,500 three years ago. You still have to sit in a fluorescent waiting room next to a coughing stranger before any of it works.

I have spent twenty-five years benchmarking broken systems. I have done it for Microsoft, Disney, Goldman Sachs, and Nike. I have done it for data centers, AI compute, and enterprise software. I have published the results. I have saved clients money. I have occasionally embarrassed vendors into fixing things.

The most broken system I found in 2026 was the one responsible for reading my blood.

Not the science. The science is extraordinary. The access layer is a disaster.

The Problem Is Not the Test. The Problem Is the Waiting Room.

Quest Diagnostics does $11 billion a year in revenue and has a 1.7-star Trustpilot rating. That is not a coincidence. That is a business model.

Labcorp does $14 billion. Same story.

These companies exist at the bottleneck between you and information your body has been generating your entire life. They have optimized for throughput, not for you. The fluorescent waiting room, the 45-minute hold, the fax to your doctor, the three-week delay before anyone tells you what your numbers mean — none of that is accidental. It is the product.

The good news: the bottleneck is breaking.

The Stack That Actually Works in 2026

Here is what I use. Here is what it costs. Here is what it tells you that Quest never will.

Function Health — $365/year

Function Health is the first company that made me feel like a client rather than a sample.

160+ biomarkers. Drawn at home or at a partner clinic. Results in your app within 48 hours. An AI layer that flags anomalies and explains them in plain language. A physician reviews every panel.

What it costs: $365/year. That is $1 per day to know what is happening inside your body.

What it is not: It is not a diagnosis. It is not a treatment plan. It is information. What you do with it is your responsibility.

Add-ons worth knowing:

• Ezra full-body MRI: $899 for members (Function acquired Ezra in May 2025)
• Heart CT calcium score: $349 for members

The referral code AGREENBERG10 gets you access. I receive nothing for sharing it. I share it because it is the right answer.

Function has raised over $800 million. General Catalyst led a $450 million financing in July 2026. They are not going anywhere.

DEXA Scan — from $39

A DEXA scan gives you three numbers that matter more than your weight: visceral fat mass, lean muscle mass, and bone density. The scale tells you nothing. DEXA tells you everything.

BodySpec and DEXAFit both run mobile DEXA units. Seven to fifteen minutes. From $39.

The 2025 British Journal of Radiology published a validation study confirming DEXA as the clinical standard for body composition measurement outside a hospital setting. This is not a wellness trend. This is the measurement.

Do this once a year. More if you are actively changing your body composition.

DUTCH Complete — $299–$499

The DUTCH Complete test from Precision Analytical measures 35+ hormone metabolites from dried urine. It is the most complete picture of your hormonal ecosystem available outside a clinical trial.

What it tells you that a standard blood panel does not: how your body is metabolizing estrogen, cortisol, and androgens — not just whether they are present, but what your body is doing with them.

CLIA-certified. Used by functional medicine physicians and integrative oncologists. If you are experiencing fatigue, mood instability, sleep disruption, or unexplained weight changes, this is the test that finds the answer.

OmegaQuant Complete — $99.95

The OmegaQuant Complete measures 24 fatty acids from a red blood cell membrane sample. This is not a plasma measurement. RBC membrane measurement reflects what your cells have actually incorporated over the past 90–120 days.

The Omega-3 Index specifically — the ratio of EPA and DHA in your red blood cells — is the most validated cardiovascular risk biomarker outside of LDL. Over 100 peer-reviewed studies. $99.95.

If you are taking fish oil and do not know your Omega-3 Index, you do not know if it is working.

Neko Health — ~€250

Neko Health is a Swedish company co-founded by Daniel Ek (Spotify) and Hjalmar Nilsonne. They raised $700 million in a Series C in July 2026 at approximately $7 billion valuation, led by Lightspeed.

Their full-body scan takes 15 minutes and measures 50+ health markers including skin, heart rhythm, body composition, and blood pressure. The experience is designed like an Apple Store. The science is serious.

They are opening a New York clinic in 2026. If you are in Stockholm or London, go now.

The Ones I Have Looked At But Do Not Use

InsideTracker — $699+. Good science, aggressive upsell, the app pushes supplements hard. Worth it if you want the coaching layer. Skip it if you just want the data.

Prenuvo — $1,000–$2,500 for a full-body MRI. The gold standard for incidental finding detection. I have done it. It is worth doing once. The Function/Ezra add-on at $899 is a better value for annual monitoring.

Superpower — Concierge health with a strong data layer. Premium pricing. Worth it if you want a physician in the loop on everything.

Wild Health — Genomics-integrated primary care. Strong for people who want their DNA in the clinical conversation. Not necessary if you are already doing Function + DEXA + DUTCH.

The DNA Question

I have a referral code for anonymous DNA testing that I give to people who ask. It covers the cost. Email me at tony@impactsoul.is with the subject line "Anonymous DNA Coupon Code" and I will send it.

I do not publish it here because I want to have the conversation first. DNA data is permanent. The decision to test should not be casual.

What This Connects To

This analysis is part of a longer body of work on broken procurement systems and what replaces them. The relevant pieces:

• Forward Health Is a Sideways Step at Best
• Forever Chemicals in My Blood: What I Learned Testing for PFAS and Microplastics
• Only Time Buys Trust

The full archive is at tonygreenberg.com/blog.

The Procurement Summary

Tony Greenberg is the founder of RampRate and ImpactSoul. He benchmarks broken systems for a living. This is not medical advice. This is procurement analysis.

Questions about this article: tony@impactsoul.is