In the United States and other Western countries, we’ve had a certain way of thinking about romantic relationships the past 150 years or so that seems to have locked us into certain roles and expectations that aren’t always constructive or useful any more.
Maybe it’s time to think of romantic relationships in some other way. In an era when women and men are more economically equal than ever, when more women graduate from college than men, and where, with some significant caveats, people have more opportunities to do what they want in making a living and a life, maybe it’s time to think about rejiggering our expectations for romance too.
One useful model, if an imperfect one, is to think about a romantic relationship the way we think of a business relationship. In a business relationship, both sides have an expectation of giving, and getting, relatively equal value and contributions to the proceedings. That’s a pretty good start on building a romantic relationship too, I’d suggest.
First, let’s get some nearly serious business (re)definitions out of the way:
Profit: A visionary who predicts we’ll be great together because we complement each other’s strengths and counter each other’s weaknesses. A true profit is too seldom honored in its own time.
Net Income: The happiness left over in a relationship after we’ve covered our bills, shared memorable experiences and lived our lives together. Barring extraordinary stresses such as serious illness or extended job loss, net income should normally be a positive number.
Accretive Value: Assessment of net income after cost, travel time and hassles of vacationing together on a small Greek island, instead of just driving up the coast to stay at that cute little B&B like my mother said we should do.
Revenue target/quota: The minimum contribution from each person in a relationship necessary to ensure resources, time and money isn’t an issue. This may range from quite a large contribution by one person to none at all from another. An individual’s revenue target may depend on their other contributions to the relationship, their own needs and the potentially wildly differing expectations by both themselves and their companion. Actual relation to reality in the setting of such targets for self and companion also may vary wildly.
Gross margin: The difference between what is revolting to a finicky lover (a Felix) and what is similarly disturbing to their clueless, indifferent or less discriminating companion (an Oscar). In many mismatched (and often short-lived) relationships, gross margin may be measured in multiple Grand Canyons.